April has been a strange month. I tried to vlog numerous times but had to put the camera down because my weeks give me whiplash right now. I’ve always been juggling, I think that’s the nature of adulthood, but it’s definitely cranked up a few gears since my dad had his stroke in December. I go from visiting his rehab to beautiful dinners with friends, from writing this newsletter at my desk to picking up my phone to a message where my aunt assures me it’s okay to grieve. I honestly feel elated that my dad got a second chance at life, and I rode that high through the hardest bits of his early recovery, but I do think the adrenaline has worn off now and the emotional and practical realities are beginning to set in. I’m helping my mum put together cashflow projections, learning about CHC and searching up exercises to treat leg spasticity. People keep tentatively talking to me about therapy. Fortunately there have been some positive steps in my work and music (suitably vague for the time being, sorry!), and so many lovely distractions — I’ll share some of the best ones below.
wearing —
I started the month in such a style rut but I’m ending in a much more positive place. Pulling together my spring trend forecast helped me to get inspired again, I feel better when I have vision andn direction. I also did a big wardrobe clear out (video coming soon!) and used the money I made on Vinted to pick up some new bits. I don’t know about you but I feel like my style fatigue came from not having up-to-date basics? One day I just looked at my wardrobe and felt like the building blocks of my outfits were stuck in 2020. I’ve realised that some of my daily pieces don’t match up to how I perceive myself — namely my glasses, an impulse purchase after months of indecision that make me look retro in a seventies way, not the postmodern, unquestionably chic way that I’d hoped.
So I’ve done a few upgrades, my favourite being this glorious pair of Weekday jeans. After the shame of my clear out, I’ve put in a personal policy that if there’s a chance that the item won’t suit me (read: hip-to-waist ratio or face shape), I have to try it on in store. I went to Westfield and tried on loads of sizes and shades — you wouldn’t believe how much the leg length varied between colours!! But these Astro loose jeans in black were great, and I love the fit on me.
reading —
I finished Things I Don’t Want To Know by Deborah Levy! I really enjoyed her writing and I’ve added her other memoirs to my Kindle wish list. I’ve started The Lonely City by Olivia Laing, which has been patiently waiting in my basket for months. I think it has the best opening paragraph I’ve ever read? The immediate image of all these people living private yet public lives in big glass containers was so emotive to me. Maybe I spent too much time on Sims as a child.
following —
Taking heavy inspiration for my next vlog from the imitable Damon Dominique — his recent London vlog was a divine watch. I really want to get inspired with my storytelling and edits again; Casey Neistat raised me and I used to experiment a lot more because of all the cool vloggers I was coming across. I feel like the vlog genre has gradually grown more monolithic, in part because of creators like me not pushing the boat out. This vlog from Damon lit a fire up my bum, and for that I’m very grateful.
listening —
The album I’ve had on repeat this month is Might Delete Later, the project J Cole released a few weeks ago. It’s so easy to listen to — I put it on when I’m cooking or walking to the bus stop. Personal highlights are 3001 and H.Y.B. — that hook has grown on me.
I had many thoughts on Cowboy Carter, enough that I made a podcast episode exclusively for you lot here. I shared my first impressions and talked about ageing in pop as a woman, among lots of other things!
If you want to stay up to date on what I’m listening to, follow my Honey playlist on Spotify. It’s got everything I’m enjoying right now, usually a bunch of new releases each Friday along with other songs I come across on my escapades. If you want to discover some new music, give it a follow 🍯
forward thinking —
I’m sowing seeds right now; seeds for my dad’s recovery, trying to help him reach his potential and get the best care moving forward. Trying to nurture my work garden, and challenging my fear of rejection to get me closer to having some songs worthy of releasing. I’m a big believer in cautious optimism, so hopefully as summer begins, my life will also begin to bloom 🌸
i ready lonely city last year (year before?) in a time when i was feeling very lonely and i loved it. i loved the way she wrote about art and being alone, it didn't stop me feeling lonely but i became more observant of it in a new way
I loved this piece, I felt it stir all those same emotions in me. I’ve placed The Lonely City on hold at the library too!