I turned 50 this year. I daren't look in the mirror in case what peers back at me haunts me to my bones. I think I became middle aged in my teens. But something changed (probably just after I turned 30) - I couldn't care less. Some light switch flicked on that I never knew was there before. I knew what I wanted out of my life and if that changes (which it inevitably did) I wanted that even more. The doing became the focus rather than the goal. I became... happy. I had never been that before. Not only with how I saw the world and my place in it but with me. I'm not perfect and every defect gets out on my to-do list whenever I get around to looking at it. I've moved around and still in a place I don't want to be in but that's geographical not psychological... geography always changes with time like many other boundaries in life. Hitting 30 for me was like setting off a tripwire in a war zone, just the things that set off aren't aimed at me anymore. The older I get, the more I don't allow things to bother me like they used to. Memories of past concerns seem to have eroded with time and I have forgiven myself for looking back so much and for having held myself accountable for things I could not and would not have differently at the time. People get hurt, I hurt people but then people hurt me. 30 just gave me suit to protect me from it all. I just now have 20 more years of peace when there was once war - realising the only person I was battling was myself.
The feeling old vs feeling young thing is so real. I feel younger at 28 than 26. Had to shift the soundtrack from "Why do you write like you're running out of time?" to "I'm willing to wait for it". Thanks Hamilton!
I loved turning 30 (currently 32) because it felt like a time when things clicked. It helped me realize how full my life was and I deserved to invest in what made it better (relationships, work, etc). It didn't hurt that it worked out somehow so I landed in Paris that day for the first time. Nothing could beat that magical universe feeling of "this will be a good decade!"
That being said, 22 year old me would not believe where we ended up! But I'm okay with that because she had some pretty unrealistic ideas 😅 we did get a dog and marry that boy so those parts were right.
I am turning 30 this year and I have been feeling exactly the same way. But reading what you’ve written makes me feel a whole lot less fearing of 30. I think I will be reading this over and over again for a little while until 30 feels less daunting. ☺️
I turned 50 this year. I daren't look in the mirror in case what peers back at me haunts me to my bones. I think I became middle aged in my teens. But something changed (probably just after I turned 30) - I couldn't care less. Some light switch flicked on that I never knew was there before. I knew what I wanted out of my life and if that changes (which it inevitably did) I wanted that even more. The doing became the focus rather than the goal. I became... happy. I had never been that before. Not only with how I saw the world and my place in it but with me. I'm not perfect and every defect gets out on my to-do list whenever I get around to looking at it. I've moved around and still in a place I don't want to be in but that's geographical not psychological... geography always changes with time like many other boundaries in life. Hitting 30 for me was like setting off a tripwire in a war zone, just the things that set off aren't aimed at me anymore. The older I get, the more I don't allow things to bother me like they used to. Memories of past concerns seem to have eroded with time and I have forgiven myself for looking back so much and for having held myself accountable for things I could not and would not have differently at the time. People get hurt, I hurt people but then people hurt me. 30 just gave me suit to protect me from it all. I just now have 20 more years of peace when there was once war - realising the only person I was battling was myself.
Love the tripwire metaphor! Thanks for the reassurance Lee x
The feeling old vs feeling young thing is so real. I feel younger at 28 than 26. Had to shift the soundtrack from "Why do you write like you're running out of time?" to "I'm willing to wait for it". Thanks Hamilton!
I loved turning 30 (currently 32) because it felt like a time when things clicked. It helped me realize how full my life was and I deserved to invest in what made it better (relationships, work, etc). It didn't hurt that it worked out somehow so I landed in Paris that day for the first time. Nothing could beat that magical universe feeling of "this will be a good decade!"
That being said, 22 year old me would not believe where we ended up! But I'm okay with that because she had some pretty unrealistic ideas 😅 we did get a dog and marry that boy so those parts were right.
I am turning 30 this year and I have been feeling exactly the same way. But reading what you’ve written makes me feel a whole lot less fearing of 30. I think I will be reading this over and over again for a little while until 30 feels less daunting. ☺️